im about as happy as oj after his trial
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
