You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
