Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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