im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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