Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
