There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My balls are so social today.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i think i scared a bird with my dick
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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