all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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