you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
