I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
