i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
