And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
