if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
