she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
3pm strippers are depressing
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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