Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Alive.
So much puke
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
