The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
