i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
