Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
