some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
