My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
