Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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