Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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