i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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