Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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