and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
