Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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