I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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