I cockslap morals
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
