Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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