ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
