YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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