if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
