Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
