Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
