I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
what day is it and did you see me today?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
