I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
