I need help removing her.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
