Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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