Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
