he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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