Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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