Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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