never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
