Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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