There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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