Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
