How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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