I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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