i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
God, I missed his penis.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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