so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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