you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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