Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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