trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
they need to just BURY HIM!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
