I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
