The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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