Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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