I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
