i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
