I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
