And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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