i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
