my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
