where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
