i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
