I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
