Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So here I am, sexting at work.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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