So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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