Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
