so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
