After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
