there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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