If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
