I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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