i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
