I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize