guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
