but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
