did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
