just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
