I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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