we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize