you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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