Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
