Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
