So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
