Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
