I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
