dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
