We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
