Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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