he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
