dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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