TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
