So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
