He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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