I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
