just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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