You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
